My Morning Encounter
Setting:
it's a bright, sunny morning (7am)
birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and the weather is perfect
a young man (me) is walking to work, and on his way encounters a homeless person that is (obviously already drunk) stumbling on the street muttering to himself.
Homeless Man: Wait! Wait, son!
Me: huh? what?
Homeless Man: Don't fucking -- don't go past P street today -- FDI -- FDI has it locked down... (inaudible mumbling)
Me: huh? what do you mean?
Homeless Man: locked down, son -- you don't want to be fucking -- the FDI has it -- the FDI -- you don't want to fuck with the FDI do you?
Me: do you mean that the FBI?
Homeless Man: The changed their name, son -- (screaming toward P street) THEY CHANGED THEIR FUCKING NAME, SON -- BECAUSE THE -- THE FUCKING ARMY -- ARMY OF CHRIST WAS ON TO THEM, AND JESUS DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE HIS PEOPLE FUCKED IN THE ASS BY THE GOD DAMNED FDI
Me: ohhhh -- why would the FBI fuck people in the ass?
Homeless Man: that's their job, son -- I've been undercover here -- fucking them -- in this shithole -- the 1940s -- Jackie over there -- see, the pyramid on the dollar bill -- because the Boston Tea Party -- those fuckers -- can't -- killed Kennedy -- fuckers -- I might look like an old black drunk, but I'm really a rich white lady -- I'm under cover -- they never catch me -- I'm protecting people from -- those FUCKERS -- it's like that movie --
Me: which movie?
Homeless Man: ALL OF THEM (laughs hysterically)
Me: oh yeah, of course
Homeless Man: THAT'S WHY THE MONEY IS (i don't know what he said)
Me: did you say "clean" or "green"
Homeless Man: (pronouncing it carefully) Mean
Me: money is mean?
Homeless Man: Lean
Me: (fucking with him) Money is queen?
Homeless Man: IN BETWEEN
Me: do you mean fifteen?
Homeless Man: BBBBBBean
Me: is money obscene?
after that, we both laugh, and he tells me to have a good day, and I finished walking to work.
relating to a crazy person like that has made me feel a little crazy all day long.
but I think it's the right start to the day.
it's a bright, sunny morning (7am)
birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and the weather is perfect
a young man (me) is walking to work, and on his way encounters a homeless person that is (obviously already drunk) stumbling on the street muttering to himself.
Homeless Man: Wait! Wait, son!
Me: huh? what?
Homeless Man: Don't fucking -- don't go past P street today -- FDI -- FDI has it locked down... (inaudible mumbling)
Me: huh? what do you mean?
Homeless Man: locked down, son -- you don't want to be fucking -- the FDI has it -- the FDI -- you don't want to fuck with the FDI do you?
Me: do you mean that the FBI?
Homeless Man: The changed their name, son -- (screaming toward P street) THEY CHANGED THEIR FUCKING NAME, SON -- BECAUSE THE -- THE FUCKING ARMY -- ARMY OF CHRIST WAS ON TO THEM, AND JESUS DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE HIS PEOPLE FUCKED IN THE ASS BY THE GOD DAMNED FDI
Me: ohhhh -- why would the FBI fuck people in the ass?
Homeless Man: that's their job, son -- I've been undercover here -- fucking them -- in this shithole -- the 1940s -- Jackie over there -- see, the pyramid on the dollar bill -- because the Boston Tea Party -- those fuckers -- can't -- killed Kennedy -- fuckers -- I might look like an old black drunk, but I'm really a rich white lady -- I'm under cover -- they never catch me -- I'm protecting people from -- those FUCKERS -- it's like that movie --
Me: which movie?
Homeless Man: ALL OF THEM (laughs hysterically)
Me: oh yeah, of course
Homeless Man: THAT'S WHY THE MONEY IS (i don't know what he said)
Me: did you say "clean" or "green"
Homeless Man: (pronouncing it carefully) Mean
Me: money is mean?
Homeless Man: Lean
Me: (fucking with him) Money is queen?
Homeless Man: IN BETWEEN
Me: do you mean fifteen?
Homeless Man: BBBBBBean
Me: is money obscene?
after that, we both laugh, and he tells me to have a good day, and I finished walking to work.
relating to a crazy person like that has made me feel a little crazy all day long.
but I think it's the right start to the day.
Libellés : mischief
publié par Richard St.Ofle à
4.3.08
1 commentaires:
That is really crazy and funny. I never meet any cool homeless guys. When I was living in San Francisco, I saw this homeless gentleman crossing the street, he had a whole in his sweats and I don't think he was aware of the fact that his dick was hanging out.
I saw a homeless man in Alamo square heckle two tennis players about how bad their game was, after twenty minutes they left.
I saw a homeless man walking arond with an axe on market street.
My friend saw a homeless couple having sex in a doorway and she was concerned because one of them appeared to be asleep.
A homeless woman on the bus tried to follow my friends and I home, so we ran and she got lost.
My uncle is in the FDI. They don't do anything fancy, and that is the honest to god truth. They just look at your bank records and come to Easter celebrations strapped. Sometimes they change cars and grow out their facial hair and dress like a pimp from the 70's. Im not kidding.
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